Alcohol Warnings

If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter!
   
 WARNING:
 --------------------

Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash you head in.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay things like thish.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants (panties) anyway.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than some really, really, really big biker guy named "Big Al."
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
  
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.