1. Never be afraid to try something
new. Remember: amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.

2. Conscience is what hurts when everything else
feels so good.

3. Love is grand; divorce is several hundred grand.

4. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly
and for the same reason.

5. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible
world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

6. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

7. I always wanted to be a procrastinator; I never
got around to it.

8. I am a nutritional overachiever

9. I am having an out of money experience.

10. I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

11. A day without sunshine is like night.

12. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take
something for it.

13. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
beautician.

14. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells
live forever.

15. Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age
comes alone.

16. Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

17. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you
grow old because you stopped laughing.