A 45 year-old female was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment ot the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to the police, the female later said she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

Portsmouth, R.I. Police charged a 25 year-old male with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and (2) he later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.

A 20 year-old female was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 33 year-old male was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, which weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

The Belgium news agency, Belga, reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done, "because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time." Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.

A drug-possession defendant on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because of a "bulge" in the defendant's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said the defendant, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

Dave so-and-so of Anniston, Alabama, was injured recently after he attempted to replace a tubelike fuse in his Chevy pickup with a 22-caliber bullet (used because it was a perfect fit). However, when electricity heated the bullet, it went off and shot him in the knee.

A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple other things). It was just the right combination of foods.It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows opened it wouldn't have been fatal but the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was ``...a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas].'' Three of the rescue workers got sick and one was hospitalized.

In February, escaped Tennessee inmate James Sean Stuart, 30, was captured on Interstate 65 near Athens, Ala., after leading dozens of police officers at speeds up to 155 mph. Stuart told police he had wanted to turn himself in and was driving fast because he "wanted to get far enough ahead so there wouldn't be any question" that he was giving up on his own.

Los Angeles police say that Carlos Hawthorne, 20, and an accomplice barged into a house, stole jewelry, shot the two residents, and escaped in the residents' 1992 Lexus. In an attempt to throw the cops off their trail, police say Hawthorne called 911 to report that he saw suspicious men abandon a Lexus and run away. The 911 operator kept Hawthorne on the phone long enough for police to find him still in the phone booth, still talking to 911 and still holding the keys to the Lexus, which was parked a mile away. They searched him and found a necklace and a bracelet matching the description of items stolen in the robbery. Hawthorne was arrested on robbery and attempted murder charges, and police are looking for the second man. "He kind of cinched himself," a police spokesman said. "I don't know what he was thinking.

Undercover vice squad officers in Charleston, W. Va., were negotiating with a prostitute but, before they could complete the transaction and arrest her, another hooker stepped in and offered to undercut the first hooker's price. Both were arrested, but police quickly discovered the second hooker was a man George Meadows, 55, the principal of Sylvia Elementary school in nearby Beckley dressed in drag. He was suspended from his 17 year job pending a court appearance.

When police in Silver Spring, Md., found Nelson Robles, 22, tied to a utility pole, they found a note next to him that read "Montgomery County: I'm wanted." He was on five traffic warrants. Police are now investigating whether Robles was left there by two police officers in neighboring Prince George's County because Montgomery County police were too busy to come pick him up. They found Robles, bound with disposable handcuffs, after an anonymous call told them to look behind a shopping center near the border of the two counties.

A man walked into a convenience store, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

The most widely recognized name may be that of stock-car king Richard Petty, who is running -- perhaps a little too fast for secretary of state in North Carolina. Petty was charged with reckless driving and hit and run after he allegedly bumped a car from behind on Interstate 85 as he drove home from the Charlotte Motor Speedway.

A suspect fleeing the scene of a robbery with a police dog nipping at his heels decided to get even. He bit back. Miami Beach police say Ricardo Culberson robbed the Royal Palm Hotel of $469 early Wednesday before stealing a taxi and driving off with police cars in pursuit. Culberson stopped a few blocks away and started to run as police and Myrus, a German shepherd, closed in. Myrus struck first. Culberson then called out ``Come here, doggy, doggy,'' grabbed the dog and bit him on the neck, police spokesman Bobby Hernandez said. Myrus is fine. The bite didn't even break the skin. Culberson, 27, should be so lucky. Pepper-sprayed, handcuffed and hauled off to jail, he now faces charges of armed robbery, armed carjacking, armed kidnapping and aggravated assault. He's also charged with biting the dog, a third-degree felony.

Norman Wright of Daytona Beach Florida pushed a child off a bike, stole it and took $20, police said. The boy called police, who found Wright huddled in the bushes with several bottles of wine, a bedroll and a childrens bike. He had $80 stuffed in his boots, which police determined was his because "his money had a strong foot odor to it." But Wright had another $20 that didn't stink, which police determined belonged to the child. Police charged Wright with robbery.

A couple convicted of engaging in oral sex inside a Denny's Restaurant in York Pennsylvania were both handed $500 fines, 10 times the recommended amount.A 24 year old male and a 19 year old female were placed on six months probation by a Pleas Court Judge.A waitress at the restaurant testified she witnessed the female with her head bent over the males lap in one of the booths when she went to take their order.Two other people were seated in the booth with the couple.A jury found the male guilty of indecent exposure and the female of open lewdness.

In Baltimore MD. a man who tried to make a Santa-like entrance into a convenience store was found Christmas morning stuck in the chimney. The 33 year old male was booked on attempted robbery charges after police found him lodged two feet down the chimney. He was freed by rescue workers. The man told officers he was hungry and decided to go down the store's chimney to get some food.

A 38-year-old Indiana woman was listed in good condition after trying to remove a callus from her foot by firing a .410-gauge shotgun at it. She told investigators she drank a gallon of vodka and two or three beers and tried to shoot the callus off her foot, a police Captain said. She told officers she had already tried to cut off the callus with a razor and it didn't work. She was afraid it was getting infected because it hurt real bad. She was taken to Muncie's Ball Hospital for psychiatric evaluation.

A 100-year-old World War I veteran was beaten to death at a hospital by a 77-year-old patient who went after him with a walker, police said. George Gilbert Beaty Jr. died late Saturday, one day after the attack at the Veterans Affairs Medical Center. The patient became angry because Beaty was making too much noise and fractured his skull with a walker, police told The Herald-Sun. The patient, whose name was not released, was undergoing a psychological evaluation Sunday.

An inmate was electrocuted when he sat on a stainless steel toilet while wearing a set of homemade headphones. Laurence Baker, a 47-year-old murderer serving a life sentence, died late Wednesday or early Thursday. Baker was watching TV with a headset, which is required to prevent the sound from disturbing other prisoners. The headphones, which violated prison rules because they were homemade, were plugged directly into the television. State police blamed bad wiring in the headphones.

A pilot's ex-wife baked rye bread for him using her own recipe for revenge, allegedly adding marijuana to get him in trouble. Continental Airlines charges in a lawsuit that Deborah Loeding's baking spree in 1994 endangered passengers and resulted in the firing of her ex-husband, William. The airline is seeking unspecified damages from her. Loeding, a 10-year pilot, was dismissed after a random drug test in 1994 detected marijuana. The test was done two days after he ate bread baked for him by ex-wife, according to the federal lawsuit filed last week. He was reinstated in October after Mrs. Loeding admitted what she had done, Continental said.

Sylvia Stayton's random act of kindness will end up costing her much more than the dime and nickel she plunked in other people's expired parking meters. She was fined $500 Monday. "I did nothing wrong. I stand on that," she said after being sentenced for interfering with an officer. "I wouldn't offer an apology because, in my heart of hearts, I know I didn't do anything wrong." For the 63-year-old grandmother of 10, it was the final indignity after she was handcuffed and arrested Oct. 24 for feeding two parking meters despite an officer's warning she was breaking an obscure city ordinance.

ORLANDO, Fla. - A courthouse employee was fired for giving a co-worker several doses of laxative, telling her it was candy. After Hilda Kukowski ate five to eight doses of laxative given to her by Kimberly Bailey, Ms. Kukowski came down with severe diarrhea. How does the victim feel about her tormentor: "I feel sorry she lost her job," Ms. Kukowski said. And does she have any advice for her future workmates: "If she were going to work in another department, I feel sorry for the people she was going to work with."

Cases of Thai women retaliating against philandering husbands by cutting off their sexual organs are not rare. Latest case: Police were looking for a woman accused of drugging her husband and cutting off his penis, then reportedly sending it aloft attached to a bunch of balloons. Reports indicate Prayoon Ekklang, a 47-year-old taxi driver, and his wife were drinking and arguing about his girlfriend. The wife then gave Ekklang two sleeping pills, telling him they were allergy medication. He awoke with severe pain in his groin and the vision of his wife holding a knife in one hand and his penis in the other.

A snowstorm was blowing outside when a naked man walked into a convenience store and headed for the beer cooler. The man wasn't empty-handed, however. He had a 3-foot, double-edged sword that he raised and pointed at the store clerk's chest early Saturday, said police Lt. Nelson Bartley. ''I'm thirsty,'' the man told the clerk, according to Bartley. The clerk raised his hands and backed away. As the clerk called police, the naked customer turned and left the store without taking anything. Bartley said police caught up with Michael L. Hicks a few blocks from the store and arrested him without a struggle. Police wrapped him in a blanket and charged him with criminal threatening with a dangerous weapon and public indecency. Hicks, 29, was jailed in lieu of $500 bail. Bartley said police also gave Hicks a warning. ''He was told not to go back to that address again - whether he has clothes on or not,'' Bartley said.

A man who showed up for jury duty landed in jail instead on an old murder charge. Patrick Wayne Manning II was arrested after he told the court clerk he was a convicted felon and she found the old murder charge during a routine check. When charged in with murder in 1988, Manning was serving a prison term in Kansas on a theft conspiracy charge. He requested transfer to Tulsa County to resolve the murder charge and authorities are trying to determine why he was never tried.

MEMPHIS, Tenn. A teen-ager in court on traffic offenses was jailed after a packet of cocaine fell from his pocket when he raised his hand to be sworn in. Witnesses included the judge, a deputy and a police officer. Brandon B. Hughes, 18, had faced only a fine Tuesday for driving with a suspended license and violating vehicle registration laws. Then the packet of white powder, which turned out to be 1.2 grams of cocaine, fell out. "It's bizarre,'' said Hughes' attorney, J.T. Harris. "It's stupidity.'' Hughes went straight to jail, sentenced to 10 days for contempt of court. He could also get up to 12 years in prison on drug charges.

DETROIT - Customers who pay up to $12 for over-the-counter heartburn remedies may find their condition aggravated by opening the box and realizing the pills have been swiped by a shoplifter. Merchants say it's an increasing problem in Detroit. "I go through the shelves and find the empty boxes,'' said Chuck Abunassar, owner of Clawson Pharmacy. Medications like Pepcid AC, Tagamet and Zantac come in small boxes that aren't wrapped in plastic or cellophane, making the pills easy to remove. One merchant said his supplies of Preparation H also are being targeted. Wayne County Sheriff Robert Ficano said cocaine users apply the hemorrhoid medication "in an attempt to bring down the swelling of the membranes in the nose.''

MOUNT PLEASANT, Mich. - Joseph Doyle Owens, 28, could go to prison if he is convicted of having Scott Alan Sheldon, 27, shoot him in the shoulder with a shotgun to get attention from police. According to Isabella County prosecutors, Owens was dissatisfied with police response to complaints he was being harassed. He allegedly asked Sheldon to shoot him and make the shooting look like a drive-by. Sheldon shot Owens in the left shoulder with a 12-gauge shotgun, police said. Owens then drove Sheldon home and drove himself to a hospital, where he had several shotgun pellets removed from his shoulder. Police said Sheldon admitted to shooting Owens.

NEW YORK - They were clever enough to penetrate the World Trade Center's tight security and grab a $1.17 million Brink's payroll. But then they pulled off their ski masks before walking past security cameras and within hours their faces were all over TV and the newspapers. Then they went home to their close-knit Brooklyn neighborhood, where dozens called the police. ''Me and my friend Joey opened the newspaper and said, 'Holy cow! There's Mikey!' '' said 39-year-old Bill Stout, who tends bar at a neighborhood tavern catering to off-duty cops and firefighters. They called a police hot line, ''but apparently 50 or 60 people beat us to it,'' Stout said. Soon Melvin Desmond Folk, 44, was in FBI custody. Warrants were issued for Michael Reed, 34, and Richard Gillette, 39.

A Bowling Green, Ohio man took down a 250-pound deer with a bow and arrow and proudly posed for a photo for the "Big Buck" contest run by Mike's Party Store. His name was printed in local newspaper ads, and a copy of the photo was displayed in the store. An officer with the Ohio Adult Probation Authority saw the ad, thought the man's name sounded familiar, and stopped by the store to look at the photo. His suspicions were confirmed the hunter was on probation for a domestic violence conviction, and was legally prohibited from having any kind of weapon. Police searched the man's home and found the bow, along with two rifles and several hundred rounds of ammunition. Before his arrest, the man was leading his category in the "Big Buck" contest and likely would have won. Instead, he faces up to a year in jail.

A motorist in Bristol, Tennessee reportedly caused a two-vehicle accident off Route 37, and fled the scene, leaving some rather unusual evidence behind. Police say the man came around a rain-slick curve and ran into a pickup truck, which ran off the road and knocked down a utility pole. Witnesses say the car's driver jumped out of his vehicle, pulled a temporary tag off the rear window, and fled the scene, leaving behind his two passengers, including his mother -- who was breathing with the aid of an oxygen bottle.

Two gunmen approached a man in the parking lot of a Jackson, Mississippi Holiday Inn and demanded money. Talk about picking the wrong guy -- their target was not only a police officer, he was also an expert marksman. In fact, he was one of 500 cops who were in Jackson for the National Rifle Association's annual Police Shooting Championship. The result? One dead robber.

A Holly Hill, Florida man walked up to a car stopped at a phone booth and attempted to buy $20.00 worth of crack cocaine. The man leaned into the window and warned the car's driver to be discreet, because there were a lot of cops in the area. Then he got in the car and the two drove around the corner. After the man handed the driver two ten dollar bills, he noticed the t-shirt the driver was wearing -- which was blue, with the word "POLICE" in bright yellow block letters. "You with the sherrif's department?" he asked. "Nope," replied the cop. "Holly Hill Police?" asked the man. "Yup," replied the officer, who says the man just smiled and shook his head as he drove him to the police station.

LONG BRANCH, N.J. - A 51-year-old man seeking sexual gratification with a vacuum cleaner nearly bled to death when the machine cut off a half-inch of his penis, authorities said. The intoxicated man first told police that someone had stabbed him in the crotch as he slept, however, officers who responded to Monday's call for help instead realized the man had hoped to obtain sexual pleasure from the appliance's suction. What he didn't realize is that there's a blade in the vacuum cleaner right under where the hose attaches that pushes the dust into the collection bag. When the man, who was not identified by police, turned on the vacuum cleaner, the blade cut off part of his penis. Doctors at Monmouth Medical Center were able to stop the bleeding but were unable to reattach the severed part.

BOZEMAN, Mont. - Cody Johnston, 22, is suing the weekly High Country Independent Press and the court system for libel after a computer glitch transformed a report of a traffic ticket into a conviction for deviate sexual conduct. ''I've heard every sheep joke you can imagine,'' Johnston said. Johnston said he learned of the mistake from his parents. He said he told them it wasn't true, but they, his wife and his sister concluded he was in denial, and urged him to seek treatment. ''It was bad,'' Johnston said. ''You can imagine what was going through their minds, and of course, they didn't believe me.'' The weekly ran a prominent correction.

WINSTED, Conn. - That's why they call it dope. Two people have been arrested for allegedly growing marijuana on their back porch, less than 100 yards from police headquarters - in plain sight of the patrol car parking lot. An anonymous tip alerted cops. ''The voice at the other end of the line just said, 'Go outside to your parking lot and look at the building next door,''' Sgt. Paul Campi said. ''So that's what I did, and I couldn't believe what I saw.'' Police seized three, 3-foot-high plants and almost an ounce of packaged marijuana, along with smoking paraphernalia. Deborah J. Bouchez, 44, and Jason J. Heacock, 19, were charged with cultivating marijuana and possession.

A pawn shop owner in Kinston, NC who has been burglarized ten times in recent years has gradually turned his shop into a fortress. The building is equipped with automatic alarms, hidden cameras, motion detectors, barred doors, a locked vault, and trip lines that fill the building with pepper spray. But when thieves drove a car through the back door of the building and made off with several thousand dollars worth of items recently, they ended up getting caught for a low-tech reason: when they crashed into the building, the license plate fell off the car they were driving. Captain Randy Askew of the Kinston Police department said: "We appreciate the criminal element that make our jobs easier when they do dumb things."

A Painesville, Ohio man arrested on a theft charge went to a court-ordered drug test before his sentencing...and turned up pregnant. "It was obviously not his urine," said a court official. The man was ordered to produce a second sample, which tested positive for cocaine. Investigators aren't sure whose urine the man gave them for the first test, but his wife (who accompanied him to the testing) is pregnant. The man was eligible to receive simple probation for the thefts, but after the hanky-panky with the drug tests, he was sentenced to a year in prison.

A man in Wichita, Kansas hatched a plan to trick a hooker into going to bed with him for free. The man approached a likely-looking prospect on a city street, showed her a badge and handcuffs, and told her he was an undercover cop. He told the woman he wouldn't arrest her if she gave him a "freebie." The man wasn't a cop -- but the woman was. She pulled out her badge and handcuffs, and arrested him for solicitation and impersonating an officer.

Police in Spruce Pine, NC have found a new way to take a bite out of crime: scare the suspects so bad they return the stolen property. Two officers approached a suspicious pickup truck they had seen pulling out from behind a Kentucky Fried Chicken store and asked the teenage occupants about a safe they saw sitting in the truck bed. The teens claimed the safe belonged to one of the men's parents, and they were planning to take it to a landfill the next morning. ONE officer documented the serial number from the safe and warned the teens he would be coming after them if it turned out to be stolen. He was apparently pretty convincing: the teens broke back into the restaurant later that night and and returned the safe to its original place. In fact, they did such a good job, the cops weren't sure it was the same safe until they checked the serial number the next day.

A Three Forks, Missouri man is suing the county court system and a local newspaper after a computer glitch caused his traffic ticket to be reported in the newspaper as a conviction for a sex offense. The man had been fined 200 dollars for a commercial trucking weight violation. But the computer list given to the newspaper mistakenly reported the offense as a sex crime involving homosexual acts and bestiality. the record of the man's ticket had been entered with an incorrect code number, and when the computer encountered the error, it apparently picked a crime at random. (city officials say The bug has since been fixed.) The man learned of the mistake when his parents read the report in the paper's police blotter section. He told them the report was a mistake, but his parents, wife, and sister concluded he was "in denial" and urged him to seek treatment. The newspaper printed a correction, but the man says that isn't enough. "This is an ongoing thing," he said. "I've heard every sheep joke you can imagine."

A West Virginia man pleaded guilty to using his artificial leg to attack a southwest Virginia police chief. Police say the man had been drinking at a restaurant in Rich Creek when he ran into Police Chief Leon Billos. When Billos tried to arrest him for public intoxication, the man took off his artificial leg and swung it at the chief, striking him in the arm. The suspect was convicted of assaulting a police officer and obstruction of justice.

Two men and a woman were arrested in Orange City, Florida after authorities caught them smoking marijuana across the street from the police station. A police dispatcher looked out the window about 5:30 PM and saw three people smoking something too small to be a cigarette. When an officer walked over and asked them what they were doing, one of the suspects said "Oh, we're just coming out here smoking a doobie, man." Asked why they had chosen to light up so close to the police station, the suspects said they had not been paying attention.